The most obvious risks of eating well-done steaks are well-known.
First of all, you risk getting slapped by your waiter if you order a well-done steak in a restaurant. It’s an insult to the butcher, to the chef, to the waiter, and even to the poor cow who gave his life to feed you. Your bill should be doubled, and you should immediately be asked to leave. Unfortunately, we live in a “civilized” society where this type of behavior is allowed to flourish. Ordering a well-done steak is the same as winning a participation trophy. Sure, it may be socially acceptable in some circles, but you’re still a pussy to everyone else.
If you’re at a BBQ and you order a well-done steak, that’s basically an open invitation for your neighbor to sneak over while you’re at work the next day, and to have his way with your wife. It’s not just giving the green light, it’s practically putting up a neon sign with a big arrow pointing directly to her saying “PLEASE! I NEED A REAL MAN! HURRY!”
If you order your steak well done at a family dinner, it’s up to anyone else within earshot to immediately call child and family services to have your children taken away. You’re a bad role model for them. You’re dangerous. You’re not providing for them like you should be…
Now, with all of the obvious stuff that everybody already knows out of the way, there are some other serious risks of ordering your steak well done. Like, actual science stuff, not just the laws of the jungle. So, pay close attention to the video.
Gordon Ramsey shows off a perfectly cooked steak:
Do you think Arnold ever ordered his steaks well-done? Hell no. You could practically still hear the cow moo’ing as he cut into it, the way it’s supposed to be.
So why on earth would YOU ever eat a well-done steak? If you don’t like it rare, you simply don’t like steak. And that’s okay. There’s plenty of quinoa and kale to go around between you and the other soft folk. Stop disrespecting the lives the cows by over-cooking them.
You simply should never eat a well-done steak because the stakes are too high.
